All That's Known
by Kendarrr
Summary: Nine years and you're still at the same place. But that's what you get, and that's all you'll ever know. Triquel to And Then There Were None, preceded by Don't Do Sadness.


I hope this won't come off like those annoying triquels like Spiderman 3. But, it _is_ a triquel. Moving on...

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><p>You stood before the door that will lead you to your past and who you once hoped to be your future, even for just a little bit. Even for just a month or a year, as long as your future with her involved kisses and silent whispers of 'I love you's' beneath a candlelit night.<p>

Of course, you can't always get what you want.

Even if it is what you needed. Back in the day, when all that flooded your visions were illusions of a girl with lustrous hair that curtained her delicately-carved face. She had a voice of royalty; she still does. She had a smile that lit up your chest, your mind, your eyes, your heart, along with the universe. She was that beautiful.

Still is.

You stood before a metallic door, paint chipping away and rust eroding the doorknob. You held a bouquet of her favourite flowers: orchids. Your palms were sweating, and you cleared your throat as you wipe the moisture on your coat.

Your knuckles rapped against the door, echoes ringing against the walls of the dinghy stage area. This wasn't Broadway.

Not yet. But you're sure you'll be visiting her there soon.

* * *

><p>The doorman announced your name gruffly and you can tell by the lack of reaction that you are the least expected visitor. The bearded doorman allowed you in but not without sneering at your business suit and the flowers in your hand.<p>

"Blaine," Rachel breathed in wonder as she eyed you standing by her doorway. "I haven't seen you since..."

Since that day, in your room, when you asked her to leave you alone.

Sure you saw her during Regionals but that was it. You just saw her. No hellos and especially no goodbyes. You were so wrapped up in your lake of self-pity that your graduation came and went and you have yet to speak to the only girl that made you feel this way.

And you know she will be the only one to make you feel like so.

"It has been a while," you smiled and occupied the seat before her. "How are you?"

"Getting there," Rachel grinned, accepting the flowers in your hand. "Thanks for dropping by. You're the only one, apart from my fathers, who visited from Lima."

"What, no Finn?" You asked in what you hoped sounded innocent. But being Rachel Berry and with her sixth sense, she heard your undertone loud and clear.

"If you're going to be like this..."

"Crap I'm so sorry Rachel," you sighed except you're not; not when it came to insinuating Finn's attentiveness at least. "I really am."

"What are you doing here anyways?" Rachel demanded, spinning on her stool so that she was looking at you through the mirror. "Business trip?"

"My company moved me to New York for an indefinite amount of time," you explained vaguely. "I read your name from the bi-weekly Broadway newsletter and I just had to see you. You totally killed it as Wendla, by the way." You didn't mention how you tried your hardest to look away during the hayloft scene as she displayed her… herself for the entire audience to see.

Rachel grinned at you before throwing her arms around your neck. You returned the hug, feeling the tears spring in your eyes at the feel of your body against hers. She was still as soft as you remember, and as warm.

"It's lovely to see you." She smiled, pulling away just enough to look into your eyes. You noted how deep her chocolate eyes were, and you felt yourself collapse beneath her gaze.

All over again.

"I was hoping to take you out for dinner," you said sheepishly. "I missed you, after all." She raised a brow and you lifted your hands in defense. "No romantic ulterior motives, I promise!"

You were telling the truth. You weren't as desperate as you were nine years ago. You just want to spend time with Rachel Berry, that's all. You really did miss her. She was the only one in this city that you know and familiar with.

She directed you towards a dimly-lit diner not far away from their off-Broadway revival of Spring Awakening. She began to talk about her life as an upcoming Broadway star, and you sat with her, smiling at her never-dwindling passion for stardom. As soon as she voiced her insecurities, you were there, armed and ready with your assurances.

"I'm sure you'll make it, Rachel." You said with determination in your voice. "Be patient. If you want, I'll wait with you."

Rachel smiled, not her perfected diva smile but her 'thank you for being here' smile. The smile that made your chest flutter and your stomach churn with fleeting emotions that you thought what once was.

* * *

><p>You dropped her off at her apartment with a tender hug and a kiss on the cheek. She took out a Sharpie and pulled back the sleeve of your coat to write down her cell number.<p>

"So you won't forget to call." she reasoned as she climbed up the steps. You said nothing but you shook your head, whistling 'Mama Who Bore Me' as you walked to your own home.

If we were being honest, you have no idea if you do want what you wanted back then. To have Rachel as your girlfriend... You would think that you grew out of it, seeing as you had boyfriends during college and no girlfriends whatsoever. You weren't even attracted to any, and that's saying something.

You stood by your claims of being Rachelsexual.

Since that first visit, you two became the best of friends. The fact that you were hometown buddies helped, you suppose, as you talk about your memories in Lima and what occurred during your college years. Rachel told you about the small plays she got involved in during her years in Julliard, and the notoriety she received singing at night clubs. You felt oddly jealous that you weren't there to watch her sway on stage as she sang her rendition of 'Maybe This Time'.

You told her about your normal years at college. Getting a business degree and singing on the side was enough for you.

At least it was, way back then.

Now, you have Rachel in front of you again, as if the cosmos was offering you another chance. Perhaps so, but you can't help but be afraid for your sanity if she ever rejects you once more. So you keep quiet, hoping that this friendship that you two share would be enough.

It wasn't.

Rachel was a touchy person. She craved contact all the damn time and it did nothing but pile on to the ever increasing frustration of your body. It wasn't entirely sexual, you admit. Even the most innocent of touches were able to send your mind reeling and your fingers reaching out for her hand. She would then smile and interlock your fingers together.

You don't feel very safe when contact with Rachel exists. You feel so exposed, so open that you had to restrict yourself all the time to prevent yourself from ruining this. To be honest though, you might as well say something before she breaks you unintentionally.

During movie nights, she would nestle against your chest and she would sigh as an ancient musical plays on the television. The way her body melded with yours was relief and torture all wrapped in a bundle of a gorgeous, five foot two brunette who doesn't know the definition of personal space. She would reach for your hand and would drape it over her stomach as she sang along.

It was during those moments that you find yourself adoring every fibre of her being.

Not only because she felt so good against you, but the beautiful harmonies that her voice creates open up a crater in your chest only to fill it with delicate feelings that yearn for her.

Yup, you are definitely going crazy.

For Rachel Berry.

Again.

"I can feel your heartbeat," she giggled, squirming around to face you instead of the movie. You can tell that her consciousness was putting up a fight and that she was losing. Her eyelids were dropping and her smile was languid—and sexy, you comment in your mind.

"Well, seeing as you have no regard for per—"

She kissed you. She just… She just leaned up and kissed you.

You had no idea what to think, so you don't. Neither did she, until she pulled away with a force that could only be described as repulsion.

"I…" Rachel gaped at you, her fingertips grazing against her plump lips. "Crap!" She hissed before darting out of your living room and into the bright lights of New York. She just upped and left you on your couch, The Music Man playing in the background as you stared off into space.

You were incapable of anything short of belief, but that was nothing compared to the low murmur of the hymn of your broken heart.

* * *

><p>You avoided her a few days afterwards. Even if she called you, ring after ring she tried to make you speak to her. But you can't, at least not without falling apart and telling her that you love her, still, after all these years. And it caused an ache to swell inside your chest, like a tumour ready to burst. The longing for Rachel was too painful that it reached the most concrete of levels. There was a physical pang in against your heart every time your answering machine would let her through.<p>

"Blaine, please answer me! I know you're there, please answer!"

"If you don't answer this, I'll sing Do Re Mi next to your building until you come down!"

"Please, please that kiss was a mistake!"

That hurt you the most.

That kiss may be a mistake, but it didn't do anything but repair something you once thought you broke and lost. Now... Now she just blatantly destroyed you again.

You pulled your legs closer against your body, and you felt so numb and void of anything. If only you weren't foolish enough, if only you weren't so in love... Maybe you wouldn't be here right now. Here, in this cavern where the sand above your head should just collapse so you would suffocate. It's better than falling in the lava of your love, after all.

Someone rapped against your apartment door and you let out a sigh. Opening it cautiously, there stood Rachel Berry with a package of Thai takeout in one hand and a handful of movies in the other.

"Blaine, please let me in." She whispered weakly. "What happened that night was—"

"I heard that message, Rachel." You spat, making your demeanour to appear angry instead of heartbroken. "I know you think I'm a mistake, just like the last time."

You pulled your door open and allowed her in anyway.

"That-I didn't mean it like that!" Rachel shrieked, dumping the items she brought with her on your coffee table. She spun around to face you, fire smouldering in her eyes. You adore how passionate it made her look, and you cannot help but wish that the energy in those brown eyes carried a different context.

"What did you mean by that then?" You snarled, wishing that she would just leave you alone, and yet you can't find the desire within you to push her out of the door. "What do you mean if not that?"

"I wanted…" She gulped, taking furtive steps towards you. You take a step back after every time she moved forward, until you were backed against the linen closet in the cramped hallway of your apartment. "I didn't want to rush into anything with you after what happened years ago. But," Rachel sighed, her frustration so clear in her body language. The way she gripped her waist and her subtle stamping of her feet, it made you smile and roll your eyes all at once. "But somehow… I always end up gravitating towards you. It's an endless struggle for me, and I know it sounds stupid but it's the truth."

"You don't sound stupid," you mumbled absently as you tried to process what she just said. "You never sound stupid to me."

"Blaine," she whispered your name in such a way that made things appear so simple. Her voice and your name instantly became your favourite song, despite whatever message would come afterwards. "Blaine, I don't know what I should do with… With us. I keep it fighting and—"

"Don't fight it then." You answered simply. "Go with the flow. Maybe… Maybe here is where you're meant to be."

You opened your arms and waited anxiously for her reaction. You didn't have to wait for long.

Your breath hitched.

She leapt in your arms.

And her lips melded with yours, like jigsaws falling into place.

There were no fireworks, no explosions, and no loud noises.

Instead, there was a soft lull of your worries and the taste of orange jujubes against your tongue. A tender voice that resembled Rachel's whenever she sings half-asleep sang around your head. It was quiet, the kiss. It started something sweet and unknown, something that you two are willing to explore with tongues and teeth. That kiss, you thought to yourself, would eventually end, but it will only begin a crazy swirl of life between you and Rachel.

* * *

><p>Now you are standing before your past and the woman who is promising you a future. The opportunity to be with her, waking up beside a mass of brown hair and going home to an apartment filled with music and song and laughter. Rachel is offering you this, as you waited in front of an altar, hands clasped behind your back as you hummed a song you barely know.<p>

The double doors burst open, and a ray of light explodes from behind it. Your breath vanishes completely as your fiancée—no, your promised wife—walked down the aisle, each father linked with an arm. Rachel was radiating joy and elation, and you're pretty sure that you are the same.

You waited as the crowd adored her. Patiently, you watch her take dainty steps, closer and closer. After all, you've been waiting your entire life for this. What's another five minutes?

Rachel reached for your hand, and you took it without any hesitation marring your bones. Her fathers pat you on the back, and the both of you faced the minister with a grin slapped across your faces.

"This is it," you smiled at her when the minister urged you to say our vows. "I've been looking for you my entire life, and when I found you, you didn't want me." You chuckled and she gripped your hand tightly. "But that didn't stop me. We were separated for nine years, but that didn't change the way I feel. If anything, it only intensified."

You reached up to her cheek, brushing a stray tear that escaped her eyelids. "Now, you're here with me with a promise. You're not only taking my last name. You're taking all of me. Although I'm pretty sure you had me since I agreed to watch Love Story at the Revival Theatre with you."

Her knuckles brushed your lips and you can't help but smile. "I want you to know that I want you. All of you. Every flaw, every imperfection, every diva tantrum. I want them all, because it means that…" this time, your voice caught against the walls of your throat and you allowed a guttered sigh escape you. "It means that you're with me."

She was crying now, and you have never seen anyone so beautiful.

"I love you, Rachel." It was a declaration that you won't mind repeating again and again and again until your final breath. "And I promise to every god and deity listening to me right now that this?" You motioned towards the lack of space between the two of you. "This is forever, for as long as you'll have me."

You knew you had a way with words because you love how coherent they make you. But with Rachel and her hands around your own, all you've ever known vanished into the atmosphere.

Now, in this context of love and forever, you don't need anyone else.

Other than Rachel, of course.

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><p>Okay! No more, I promise! I bet you guys are getting bored of my cheesy BlaineRachel fanfics, hahaha! Reviews are appreciated though :)


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